Here is a list of things I don't understand:
1. Attraction
2. Love
3. God's voice
4. Emotions and logic
5. Attachment
I know there's more, but those are the ones that seem the most important right now.
What's wrong with me? It's like all the romance has been sucked out of me. I don't write love poetry, I'm not emotionally moved by sappy movies, I can't even remember my four images of love anymore. I'm numb.
I felt something today, just for a moment. I felt it between dropping into the mile hill at Patapsco and learning how to light a white gas stove. It was a feeling that told me that all I really want to do in life is return to that familiar feeling of romance, that cozy, squirming crush. Then I would marry and have kids and live in the suburbs. Maybe be a stay-at-home dad.
Then, once again, that compelling urge to make a radical difference said that a lifestyle like that wouldn't be conducive to changing the world. I don't know which to believe, but I am definitely feeling the opposition.
I made a mistake recently. Not the first I've made, but one of the biggest. I made it two months and two days ago. At the time, my choice seemed harmless, but that's only because I was ignoring the bigger picture--the future and the past. I was living in the moment.
I never thought living in the moment could have its consequences, but obviously it can.
2 comments:
Ah, Ben, you don't have to rattle the bars or scream from the rooftops to change the world. Think Butterfly Effect. We effect those around us everyday through the simplest things, like a smile or a kind word, or even via blogging (you) and reading that blog entry (your readers). Kindness lifts the spirit and spreads like wildfire. Communication promotes more communication. Good attracts good and repels negative, and all that.
No need to look for ways to make a radical difference, Ben. You make a difference every day just by being. So there.
As for consequences. Too bad life didn't come with an instruction manual. Meh, everything has consequences. Action and reaction. We do as good as we can, learn along the way, and keep plugging along and trying. We can't do any better than that, now can we.
No need to look for ways to make a radical difference, Ben. You make a difference every day just by being.
^^ whoever wrote that is so right.
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